Helpless...

Helplessness is beautiful. Helpless beauty... The feeling that you are at the mercy of another, but that other is good and right and true. I've felt helpless. Helpless to be the man that God has called me to be. The one I dreamt I would be, running through the South Carolina nights. That was where the spark of manhood was lit and I chased it through those trees by the creek with my friends. I've been chasing it ever since.

Then I lost it when I needed it the most and wept because of my weakness. But despite my failures and my faults, the Good brought me back to it and placed that spark safely in my heart. I hope. Because now I see why I needed it in the first place.

There was a time not too long ago in the grass where I watched and heard two separate mouths speak separate words. Those words joined somewhere in the air and became sentences and paragraphs. Poems really, we were right. And like those words our minds joined until our thoughts walked hand in hand. And as I lay on my back, watching this unfold, I saw a dragonfly on the top branch of the shading tree. It sat still and alone except for the slight vibration of its wings in the breeze. Then as I watched, another flew to the branch beside it, to also sit in the warmth of the summer afternoon.

Fly beside me, I wanted to say, because I'm safe although this world isn't. We'll follow the breeze together. Let the Wind take us where it wills, somewhere safe and still and quiet. I will watch over you on the way.

Then, like our thoughts, the two flew off together.

I want to feel helpless in this Wind. Just float where it wills because I believe that it is good and safe to do so. And on the way I want to write beauty into the world. There in the grass and the breeze I began to believe that I could.