Night thoughts...

If I sit here long enough will I feel the earth spin, shifting under my body? Will I feel the branches of the trees outside my window blowing in this night's Autumn breeze? Will I understand that the breeze, smooth against my cheek, is the flutter of some faraway bird or a butterfly's wings? The breath of a crying baby or the sigh of it's mother perhaps. Will I hear a child's vespers, whispered into the twinkling evening?
How far have these words traveled, to be heard or felt by me? Alone in this room. Alone with the shadows that seem to me to be the shadows of all lights. Representations, somehow, of everything bright. If I listen hard enough, will I hear you? Will I find your voice, your sound, among the sounds in the night's wind? The night's traffic and trains that i try my best to ignore?
Maybe your sound is there too though. Carried by those trains. I listen for it every night because I feel that it will help me find you sooner. I feel that maybe if I could hear for a moment the sound of your voice or your laugh, your own prayer for me, I would know better where to look. Where to find you among this broken rubble of the world we share. The world that is now still spinning, carrying me on my knees through space or time. Spinning in the hand of God I guess.
I used to look rather than listen in these nights. Look at the lights spread outside a different window. I would guess at which one was your light. Imagine that it shone brighter than the rest. Like some beacon and, if I stepped barefoot into the night, I could walk to it and find you. Under the night sky where we could stand for a while, spinning together.
I started this evening thinking about the night and, like most of my nights, it turned into yet another searching. I feel another poet's reverence for the night. I guess because my life mostly takes place there. Where I can think and live freely. May my reflections and longings lead me home and to you some day.