Going home? Just a slice of thought...

If I could fly what would would I find so high above the earth and the trouble that pulls at me. Until I feel that heaven is home and the sooner I get home the better because life and existence will finally be free and easy and happy. I think about home a lot while I'm here and I miss the family that I haven't lived with for four years. Some of them for longer than that. I miss my sister and her energy that fills rooms and sparks smiles. I miss my mother and her teeth. Her grin that makes you feel like there is at least one person in the world who thinks you're special...thinks you're worth something. My dad and his unexpected hyperness. His lack of care for people's regard that, in the right context, becomes a wonderful strength.
He held the keys to my security and self-worth for years and guarded it safely. I forgive him for losing it because it is time I held it for myself anyway...and I in turn give it to God, and maybe to you as well. The girl I don't know if I've yet met but have anticipated my whole life. As a boy I would see you in the school room crushes and piano class kisses. I would see you in the girl down the street that I sent rose petals to. The friends that I knew would make amazing wives...just not for me. I noticed you in my relationships. In characters in books and movies...stories of my own. All these glimpses have formed a picture in my head and I can't wait until the day I say 'Ah! There you are.' And we go on to complete eachother in all the ways that we always imagined.
All of our imaginings that have been refined and made perfect by our sufferings and stumbles...our joys and excitements. the paths we've taken that took us to places we didn't want to be and had to hack our way back to the good road. I want to tell you about all of my detours and forgings and explorations because, even though they've scarred me, I found myself in the healing. I want to explain how I believe that we are given freedom and God shapes our will back into His when we stray so that, even in our disobedience, His plan is furthered. I want to ask you how our mistakes or our own will could end up playing a role in God's that is so perfect and so crucial, it's as if we never left that road.
I want to ask God what He thinks. I want to ask Him a lot of things. When I get home I will and even though i talk about the return a lot, I know that for the most part I like it here because it's new and exciting and shifting and changing and wonderful. I've dreamt about exploring new lands and then woke to realize I do it every day. Just without the ships, the guns, the horses or cowboy boots. I'm an explorer in my own right and so are you so let's explore tomorrow together.